"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The uberlube is also flammable
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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