I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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