I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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