did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
