I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
