I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
