I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
