My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
