WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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