Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I am one with the molecules
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
