Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
