No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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