perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
