I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
