you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
