Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
