The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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