Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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