my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
