Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
