I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
