I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize