I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
