Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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