He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
