how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
