Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dignity is for republicans.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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