I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
