But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
