zippers are such a cool invention
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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