I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
