Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
