dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
