Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
