And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
