i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Still dying that you shit outside
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
