Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
