it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
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Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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