I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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