Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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