Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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