He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
