Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
