but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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