i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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