I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
