The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
