he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Enjoy the penises
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
