Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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