Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
