someone threw a dead crab at me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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