my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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