Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
