dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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