I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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