Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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