i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
