Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
