when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
