why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
worst night to have a conscience
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
