a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
