Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
