He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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