This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
