it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The uberlube is also flammable
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
