I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Randomize
