my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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