I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
