There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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