Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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