The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
