I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
