hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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