Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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