I wish i was in the wii world.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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