did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
